Inability

She would never know her true life’s meaning. At least not when in relation to his life and how she is his reason. Her life’s meaning is to be his touch to the world.

“I miss you” Her voice came through perfectly, not a single syllable mumbled. It was almost too clear. Before this point everything emotional or heart felt had been mumbled, texted or implied. They’ve never spoken it out loud, their importance to each other. You’d think they would have been able to say it by now. To be truthful, he knew this was coming. She’d been getting more confident, more secure in her trust of him.

Adults in age, responsibility and appearance, but 15 at heart. Unsure how to progress their relationship, tip toeing around the truth for so long.

He should be a man, able to respond and express his need for her. Instead he responds as though she never said it, says some unimportant comment. She’s probably pissed, but pretending as though everything is fine. She follows his conversational queue as if she had never said it out loud. He doesn’t know why hearing her say it is different from when he reads it in their texts and messages.

He admires her ability to follow his meandering so easily without her anger being shown in the moment. She understands him, she see’s through his avoidance. She understands that to him, this move, the distance; it’s normal. He’s never missed anyone like her. She came into his life at the time he knew leaving was inevitable and pulled back into himself. Trying not to make new attachments, going back to his loner ways to make the already formed attachments easier to detach from. She pushed her way through his distance and caused him to feel for her and have something truly important to miss. She made him part of the world when he was trying ignore it.

He admits his need for food and after speaking for over an hour she allows him to go. He sits and wonders why it’s so hard for him when his phone vibrates. “Next time, if I tell you that I miss you. Do not try to avoid it. You know I let it happen once.” He knew she would say it. She always gives him one time that conversation can continue and then after she warns him not to do it again. He just wants to be better for her, make her trust in him to be worth it.

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